5 Laws of Great Thinkers Part 3: Thinking Flexibly

The Curveballs of Life

Ever had one of those days where life throws you a curveball, and your brain goes into meltdown mode? Like, your carefully planned birthday party implodes because half your guests bailed, or your kid decides to finger paint the living room walls with spaghetti sauce.

Well, my friends, fear not! Dr. Ellie Xu & Dr. Darby Saxbe have a solution that doesn't involve copious amounts of alcohol or Netflix binging . They call it "emotion regulation flexibility," and it's basically the mental equivalent of yoga for your brain.

Emotion Regulation: It's Not Just for Monks Anymore

Xu and Saxbe say it best: "When you're confronted with a situation that is out of your control, like last-minute birthday party cancellations, cognitive reappraisal is typically most helpful." In layman's terms, this means reframing the situation in a more positive light. So, instead of wallowing in self-pity over your deserted birthday table, you could focus on enjoying a more intimate gathering with your remaining friends and kids. But here's the kicker: this "positive vibes only" approach doesn't always work when you can control the situation. For example, if you failed to pass a board, telling yourself it doesn't matter won't magically improve your score. In fact, it might make you less motivated to study.

The article also mentions two other emotion regulation techniques: emotional suppression (bottling up your feelings) and rumination (obsessing over negative thoughts). While these strategies might offer temporary relief, they're generally not as helpful in the long run in terms of your mental health. However, there are situations where they might be useful. For example, suppressing your emotions might be appropriate in a professional setting where you need to maintain composure. And rumination, though often unhealthy, can sometimes help you process complex emotions or solve problems, as long as it doesn't become a chronic habit.

Know Your Thinking Threshold

This is where the concept of a "thinking threshold" comes in handy. It's that point where your emotions become so overwhelming that your brain turns to mush. According to the article,

Think of it like a mental circuit breaker. When your brain is overloaded, you need to hit the reset button before you can think clearly again. This could involve anything from deep breathing to indulging in a hobby or going for a walk (my favorite).

Practical Applications for Real Life

In the chaos of daily life, emotional flexibility is a superpower. It looks like the married professional with kids who, instead of yelling at her tantruming toddler in Target, takes a deep breath and offers a silent prayer for patience. It's the doctor who, faced with a patient's devastating diagnosis, pauses to offer empathy and support before outlining a treatment plan.

It's also the homemaker who, after burning dinner, steps away from the kitchen for a moment of calm before deciding whether to salvage the meal or embrace the cheesy goodness of takeout. These are the everyday heroes who understand that emotions are not roadblocks, but rather signposts guiding us towards better responses and ultimately, a richer life.

The key is to develop a toolbox of emotion regulation strategies and know when to use each one. By cultivating flexibility in our thinking, we can navigate life's inevitable challenges with grace, resilience, and maybe even a little laughter. After all, as the saying goes, "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."