As Sandy's World Turns - Episode 2

(This is the second of a series of articles about various mental health challenges, illustrated through the journey of a fictional character named Sandy Struggles)

Sandy's World - Episode 2

As Sandy walked into the office, her heart was already racing. The morning rush had left her frazzled, and she could feel the familiar tightness in her chest. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself before heading to her desk.

Emma, Sandy’s coworker, sat quietly at her workstation, her shoulders slumped and eyes dull. She had been struggling with depression for months, and it pained Sandy to see her like this. But every time Sandy tried to reach out, her own need for perfection and control held her back. “What if I say the wrong thing? What if she thinks I am judging her?” The unpredictability of this interaction provoked Sandy’s anxiety even more. So, instead of saying something, she focused on organizing the patient files for the third time that morning.

By mid-afternoon, a minor equipment malfunction sent Sandy into overdrive. Her hands shook as she tried to fix it, her breath coming in short, shallow gasps.

"Sandy, take a moment," Dr. Patel said gently, noticing her distress. "It's just a small hiccup. We'll manage."

But Sandy couldn't hear him over the roaring in her ears. All she could think about was how this mistake would reflect on her, how it would prove she wasn't perfect. Her vision blurred with unshed tears, but she blinked them away, refusing to acknowledge the physical signs of her stress.

Emma approached, her expression weary yet concerned. "Sandy, do you need some help?" she asked softly.

Sandy shook her head, forcing a tight smile. "No, I've got it," she insisted, her voice wavering. The thought of Emma seeing her struggle only intensified Sandy’s anxiety.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of tasks and suppressed panic. Sandy’s need for approval, for control, dictated her every move.  She avoided Emma, her fear of vulnerability and imperfection keeping her from reaching out. The weight of her own anxiety and the desire to control every detail left her exhausted and isolated by the end of the day. Sandy’s body and mind were screaming for relief, but she didn't know how to let go.

Did you know that certain personality traits like perfectionism and excessive need for control can be making our anxiety worse?

Perfectionism Feeding Anxiety

The way that we talk to ourselves with “should/ must” statements, (“I should be able to do this right”) “all or nothing” statements (“This is all wrong”) and “over-generalizations” (“I always foul things up”) can be problematic.  Recognizing and addressing perfectionistic thinking styles is key to reducing this self limiting attitude which fuels anxiety.

Here’s one approach:

1. Notice- spend at least one week noticing all the instances when you start engaging in should/must thinking, all or nothing thinking, or overgeneralization.

2. Track- write down these thoughts as they occur to you.

3. Examine- what you’re telling yourself at times when you feel particularly anxious or stressed. Pay special attention to your use of the words “should,” “must,” “have to,” “always,” “never,” “all,” or “none.”

4. Counter- after you’ve spent a week writing down your perfectionist self-statements, come up with counter statements for each one

   1. “I should be able to do this right”—> “I’ll do the best I can;”

   2. “This is all wrong!” —> “This is not all wrong. There are some parts that are ok, and other parts that need some more attention”

   3. “I always foul things up!” —> “I don’t always foul things up. In this case, I’ll go back and make the needed corrections."

5. Accept your newfound realities- in subsequent weeks, read over your list of counter statements, frequently, and embrace these realities.